What One Has...

Over the weekend Vic and I had a long discussion about how our life is being lived. And it really made me start thinking about a lot of things.....surprisingly they were mostly all good.

Growing up, I came from a family that was established. My dad was the bread winner, my mom was a SAHM, and we (children) were pretty spoiled. Not to the point of being bratty, but to the point of not going without. My dad growing up, didn't have much, and it was his goal to make sure that he gave us the best things possible. So that we would not have to go through the hard times that he did. And he did just that. He provided very well for us. We had a huge house, nice cars, good clothes, was able to be in every extra circular activity known to man. And he supported it all...I had the silver trumpet when I became a freshman in high school, I had the private lessons, I had the car when I turned 16 along with the gas card to go with it. But there were rules that went with it all. No buying things other than gas w/ the card, grades must remain at A's, be home when told, do my chores ect. My mom was always with us. She finally got a job when we both were in school. And even that job was at the school. So she was always off when we were off....

Looking at it now, I was spoiled...very spoiled, and I was materialistic....

That leads me to our conversation.....so I'm going to put it all out on the line....it's more for me to reflect back on....

We don't have much. And you know we might not ever have a lot either. But that's perfectly alright with us. We don't live in a 4 bedroom, 3 bath, brick house, with a big back yard. We live in a 3 bedroom, 2 bath mobile home, that's paid in full. And that's fine for us. We don't drive brand new cars. Vic has a 1997 Honda, and I have a 2006 Scion. But they are perfect for us. We don't take lavish vacations, we enjoy going camping on the weekend. I don't have a lot of extra money to go spend $50 bucks on a new blouse, but you know a $10 top from Wal-Mart will do me just fine. We don't have cable anymore, b/c of the added expense, but we can see almost anything on the Internet these days. Tori doesn't have a lot of toys, but a set of old pots and pans she loves the most. Even though there is the most gorgeous dress on the rack, it's not on sale or clearance; therefore, it will not make it to the check out stand with me. These are the things that make me who I am....

Our biggest issue in our conversation was our dwelling. You know, it's really not that much. But it's ours. It's paid for, it was a gift from my mom, and it's perfect for us. But for Vic, it's not enough. He wants to do more for us (meaning Tori and I), and he's having a hard time accepting that he can't. He says it makes him feel lesser of a husband/father, because he can't provide more. This saddens my heart. He feels that some might think less of us because of where we live or what we drive, or the clothes we wear, or the fact that we can't always go places with others because money limits this. He fails to see that WHO we are is what people should be looking at. If they only look at our material things, then they are missing what is in our hearts. He is an amazing husband, and an even more amazing dad to Tori. These are the things that people should be looking at. We could have the nicer things if I went back to work without a doubt. But the only one that would be missing out is Tori, and that's not fair to her. I CHOSE to have her, I CHOOSE to raise her. We do without, so that Tori may be raised in a loving environment, and be raised with the values that we want her to have. I don't want anyone else raising her. If she fails at something, it's because WE did not teach her right. WE will be the only ones to blame.

So after our conversation, we decided to do a little cleaning/reorganizing of our home. And it has made a world of difference. But we have decided there are some things that we want to change about our home. First, we will be ripping up the Hunter Green carpet, and the linoleum in our kitchen. I've found some vinyl tile at Lowe's that I am in love with. It will definitely brighten the house. Then we will lay area rugs down. Buy a $25 buck rug and changing it when you're tired of blue or burgundy is a lot cheaper than redoing the flooring again. I will also be redoing our curtains. I've found a pretty easy pattern for Roman shades, and we both agreed that that's what we want. The kitchen and den will be done first, then I'll do a room at a time, to cut down on expenses....but that's neither here nor there....

I guess my main reason for this post was to realize that what I have, may not be the best, may not be the most expensive, but it's mine/ours, and I need to be proud of what I do have. I have an amazing marriage, I have the most amazing little girl I could have ever dreamed of having, I have a roof over my head that can't be taken away, I have a job that I can take my daughter too, my husband has a great job, and I have a wonderful family. So to be honest, I have a perfect life. Yes it has it's ups and downs, but it's perfect for me. God has blessed me with so much, I just needed to take a step back and count my blessing....

Should have been a Monday post....

Happy Tuesday everyone!!! Well this should have been a Monday post; however last week was one of those weeks that I don't want to relive anytime soon :)

I posted several posts last Monday and all was great. Then later in the afternoon I started to feel a little yucky. Not bad, but just not great. By the time my hubby got home (8pm) I had a fever of 101+. Mind you I went from awesome to crappy in about 4 hours :( . My fever broke Tuesday morning at around 4:45 or so. Needless to say I was exhausted and called in to work. [Thank goodness I have an awesome boss, who is also one of our amazing friends, and he just laughed at me, and said perfect timing beings our whole office was out of town.] I finally got up around 9 or so, and I felt GREAT. So totally weird in my mind. Then later that afternoon, I started to feel like crap again. Hubby got home, my throat had started to hurt, and then the dreaded look in the mirror....SPOTS!!!! BIG WHITE SPOTS ON MY TONSILS!!!!! Needless to say, after almost 4 hours in the after hours clinic, a swab test, I had strep. So that was my Monday and Tuesday.

Wednesday was recovery.

Thursday, I went into work for 5 hours, just to catch things up.

Friday, my cousins wedding. Although it was 105 outside, and it was an outside wedding at 7:30 so it was only 101 by then, it was beautiful. I was lucky enough to get to shoot some photos, and I can't wait to put them up for all to see. Nicole was GORGEOUS, and my cousin, was so very handsome. I love them both, and only wish them the happiness that I have with Victor, with many many many more years to come.

Saturday, hrmm we went over to my sisters for BBQ. And then came home and went to the local park for my tiny city's fireworks. For being a town of only about 15k they sure know how to party. It was so much fun.

Sunday, church and time with my mom.

That leads us back to Monday...which this post should have been...but anyways. Yesterday was weigh in day, and I'm proud to report that I lost 3.8lbs. I'm sure some of it had to do with me being sick, but a loss is a loss, and I don't plan on gaining any of it back. Tomorrow is my 1month anniversary, and I have lost 11.2lbs. I'm very proud of myself. The baby is loving it too, we are going for walks at least 5 times a week. She's always so peaceful and content in the stroller. I love the fact that she enjoys it so much. I take a sippy cup with ice water in it, and we are out the door. We walk anywhere from 45 mins to 2 hours. Just depends on the loop I want to do.

Hrmm what else....oh yeah....you know how you love to do something...and then it gets put on the back burner for whatever reason. And though you long to do it again, there just doesn't seem to be any time left to do it?? That's how I've been feeling lately with my sewing. I LOVE to sew. I find it therapeutic, relaxing, it's a way for me to let my artistic side come through. Well lately I haven't been able to sew. It's one thing or another, but it just hasn't been happening. Well I've decided that it is truly something that I LOVE to do. Just like exercising, and eating better, these were things that I had to make time for. I've decided that that's what I need to do for my sewing. There are so many things that I want to make. And I need to make time for the things that I truly love to do. My sister has asked me to make a dress for her, and that will be my beginning again. There are things in my sewing life that I want to get better at. And the only way to do this is through practice. So right now I'm in the process of picking a dress for my lil' sis. She's in love with the maxi dresses only she wants a shorter version. So I'm combing through the patterns to see what I can find....

Well for now that is all....I'll add photos tonight to this post, just so you can see my little one. She's getting so big...OH and she's now crawling!!!! She's slow at it, but she's got her knees under her and is going in the forward motion!!!!

Just One of Those Days

hrmmm…well it’s 1:27 on Tuesday and I’m just sitting here on the couch.  The motivation is out the window.  I just can’t seem to get it together.  There is a list of things that I need to get done, but no desire to do a damn thing.  Not like me at all.  I usually like to accomplish a little something everyday.  Makes me feel like I’ve contributed to the house.  (Beings I don’t work, I feel I need to make sure that things around here are taken care of.)  The hubby won’t complain.  There was breakfast for him this morning, he had a lunch to take to work, and when he arrives home, there will either be dinner waiting for him or almost off the stove.  But still I feel I need to do something else.  Monday is cleaning day and I got that accomplished, but today, the items on my list just aren’t even getting started.  I don’t know what my deal is.

It seems now, that since I’ve been a SAHM, I tend to get down a little easier.  I used to be so lively and full of energy, and I feel that slowly slipping away.  I don’t know where that girl is anymore.  She seemed to hop on the train out of my life.  I’m not depressed, I just feel so out of my element.  The things that make me smile are the wonderful smiles that Tori gives me.  Her little bubbles that she blows.  The funny sounds she makes when I tickle her kneecaps.  But as bad as this is going to sound, it’s not enough. :(  [see i told you that was going to sound bad.] 

There are some days that I just don’t want to get out of my pj’s and you know what, I don’t.  Even though I am on the go quiet often, I don’t really go anywhere by myself.  I knew my life would change once I had a child.  And by no means would I ever give this up.  But I need to find me again.  I need sometime for me to sit outside and drink a cup of coffee and let the world pass me by.  To not feel guilty for not having the baby with me.  I need this time to make me a better mom.  And right now, that’s not happening.  Just like I feel hubby needs time with just his daughter alone to make him a better dad.  No, this is not a dig at my husband, because he is an AMAZING daddy.  I just need some me time.  To find me again.  Not the old me, but the me that is now a mommy…..

Be Thankful for What I Have....

The title pretty much says it all. When the days seem long and the nights do not have enough sleep, I must remember to be thankful for what I have. Because, at any moment it could be taken away. Now I'm not trying to sound depressing, or getting anyone upset, but it's true. And I'm reminded by this by a mother that I have been following since I found out that I was pregnant. I joined the community on Baby Center, and there was a mom that was pregnant with mono-amniotic twins. It's actually rather rare, and usually the prognosis isn't that great. But for them, it has been bitter sweet.

I would read their posts and cry while I was still pregnant with Tori, and pray that nothing would be wrong with her. That she would have all of her toes and fingers. That she would be healthy and able to come home with me from the hospital. Simple things that a lot of people take for granite.

These past couple of days Tori has been relentless. I'm now going to officially say it's a growth spurt. She's cluster feeding like there's no tomorrow, and although I love every minute of it. I need my time too. She does it during the day when daddy's not here, so he doesn't really understand the concept of it, or how difficult and draining it can be on me. But that's not my point either....remember it's be thankful for what I have.....

I am thankful that I have a daughter who is thriving. Who is able to be at home with me. Who is able to cry at night and wake me up. Who I am able to feed and know that she is growing. I am thankful that she has not had to have surgeries to make her better, or take enormous amounts of medicine for her to be able to sustain life. I am thankful for the fact that I have fed her every hour on the hour since 9:00 this morning, and she has finally fallen asleep for a nap at 4:00 this afternoon. I am thankful that she didn't sleep for 7.5 hours last night, and needed to eat at 4:15 this morning. That she decided to blow her diaper out so I had a huge mess to clean up, and she did this all while nursing, and pitched a fit when I wanted to stop to change the diaper. I am thankful for Tori....for every little tiny bit of her.....

Ani and Jeremy are the parents of the mono-amniotic twins Aderah Psalm and Veiyah Jaielle. And although they were blessed with 2, they are only her to care for 1. Aderah Psalm, was sent from the womb to be with her Maker and to watch over her miracle sister Veiyah. You could say they are mirror images. (Veiyah's organs are flip-flopped so everything is on the opposite side of where they normally would be; therefore, when her sister stares down from heaven, they are mirror images.) But this little girl is God's miracle here on earth. She is such a fighter. She has been through several major surgeries and is scheduled for another open heart surgery in the next week or so. You can read about the family here http://kargfamilyupdates.blogspot.com/ ...but remember I am here to be thankful for what I have...

I've followed this family from the beginning. I've cried many a tears for their pain. I've prayed many prayers for their strength and for their little Miracle. and when all is said and done, when I sit on this couch, and type this, and stare at my baby sleeping soundly with her little quirky smile...I am so very thankful for what I have. My days are so easy in comparison of what some have to go through....

If you have a moment take a look at Ani & Jer's blog...it will make you realize how lucky you are. And you can see what a Miracle looks like...

A New Day, A New Beginning?

I woke up this morning, took mom's dog to the vet for her, came home fed the baby, and then fixed the hubby breakfast and had dinner in the crock pot all before 9:30. Then I sat down to a little girl sitting in her bouncer just a cooing away, and realized what today was.

For many Americans today is a great day in history. It's the changing of the guard. Out with the old in with the new. For me, I see it as something different. It's a day that has changed my 2 month old daughters future. It represents to me, that the hatred in America is slowly disappearing among the generations. I was raised to believe that races do not mix. (And yet I married a Mexican man). It wasn't until I was older that I realized how crazy this was. Like the President said today in his speech, 60 years ago a man stood at the end of the mall, and he could not have drank from the same fountain, or rode on the same bus, or ate at the same restaurant as many people did. Today is a day in our history that will go down in infamy. It is a day of firsts and new beginnings.

I pray that in 5 years or 10, or 20, that this will be an everyday event. That people of all races, religions and creeds, will be able to come together for one common cause. Many people before me have hoped for the same thing, and many people after me will too, but today was a step in the right direction. You do not have to believe in all of the causes, or everything they do. But you must believe that the people are strong that back this country. I may not have voted for him, but he is now my President. I only pray that he can lead this great country and show that we are still "one nation under GOD, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."

Today just goes to show, that anyone can accomplish anything. And this is what I want for my daughter. To know that no matter what obstacles are in front of her, that she can achieve great things. That she will know that she comes from a background of strong Germans, Englishman, and Scotsman, but also from a strong group of Mexicans, and Native Americans. She will not be known as Caucasian, or Mexican. She will only be known as a child of God, with an open mind and willing heart to serve. She will not be known by a piece of paper, but she will be known for the knowledge that she posesses. She will be strong-willed and determined in her endavours. She will be able to stick to her convictions, and have proof to back up her beliefs. She will be what ever she wants to be, and I as mom, will be standing right by her side knowing that I helped shape this amazing young woman that stands before me.