What One Has...

Over the weekend Vic and I had a long discussion about how our life is being lived. And it really made me start thinking about a lot of things.....surprisingly they were mostly all good.

Growing up, I came from a family that was established. My dad was the bread winner, my mom was a SAHM, and we (children) were pretty spoiled. Not to the point of being bratty, but to the point of not going without. My dad growing up, didn't have much, and it was his goal to make sure that he gave us the best things possible. So that we would not have to go through the hard times that he did. And he did just that. He provided very well for us. We had a huge house, nice cars, good clothes, was able to be in every extra circular activity known to man. And he supported it all...I had the silver trumpet when I became a freshman in high school, I had the private lessons, I had the car when I turned 16 along with the gas card to go with it. But there were rules that went with it all. No buying things other than gas w/ the card, grades must remain at A's, be home when told, do my chores ect. My mom was always with us. She finally got a job when we both were in school. And even that job was at the school. So she was always off when we were off....

Looking at it now, I was spoiled...very spoiled, and I was materialistic....

That leads me to our conversation.....so I'm going to put it all out on the line....it's more for me to reflect back on....

We don't have much. And you know we might not ever have a lot either. But that's perfectly alright with us. We don't live in a 4 bedroom, 3 bath, brick house, with a big back yard. We live in a 3 bedroom, 2 bath mobile home, that's paid in full. And that's fine for us. We don't drive brand new cars. Vic has a 1997 Honda, and I have a 2006 Scion. But they are perfect for us. We don't take lavish vacations, we enjoy going camping on the weekend. I don't have a lot of extra money to go spend $50 bucks on a new blouse, but you know a $10 top from Wal-Mart will do me just fine. We don't have cable anymore, b/c of the added expense, but we can see almost anything on the Internet these days. Tori doesn't have a lot of toys, but a set of old pots and pans she loves the most. Even though there is the most gorgeous dress on the rack, it's not on sale or clearance; therefore, it will not make it to the check out stand with me. These are the things that make me who I am....

Our biggest issue in our conversation was our dwelling. You know, it's really not that much. But it's ours. It's paid for, it was a gift from my mom, and it's perfect for us. But for Vic, it's not enough. He wants to do more for us (meaning Tori and I), and he's having a hard time accepting that he can't. He says it makes him feel lesser of a husband/father, because he can't provide more. This saddens my heart. He feels that some might think less of us because of where we live or what we drive, or the clothes we wear, or the fact that we can't always go places with others because money limits this. He fails to see that WHO we are is what people should be looking at. If they only look at our material things, then they are missing what is in our hearts. He is an amazing husband, and an even more amazing dad to Tori. These are the things that people should be looking at. We could have the nicer things if I went back to work without a doubt. But the only one that would be missing out is Tori, and that's not fair to her. I CHOSE to have her, I CHOOSE to raise her. We do without, so that Tori may be raised in a loving environment, and be raised with the values that we want her to have. I don't want anyone else raising her. If she fails at something, it's because WE did not teach her right. WE will be the only ones to blame.

So after our conversation, we decided to do a little cleaning/reorganizing of our home. And it has made a world of difference. But we have decided there are some things that we want to change about our home. First, we will be ripping up the Hunter Green carpet, and the linoleum in our kitchen. I've found some vinyl tile at Lowe's that I am in love with. It will definitely brighten the house. Then we will lay area rugs down. Buy a $25 buck rug and changing it when you're tired of blue or burgundy is a lot cheaper than redoing the flooring again. I will also be redoing our curtains. I've found a pretty easy pattern for Roman shades, and we both agreed that that's what we want. The kitchen and den will be done first, then I'll do a room at a time, to cut down on expenses....but that's neither here nor there....

I guess my main reason for this post was to realize that what I have, may not be the best, may not be the most expensive, but it's mine/ours, and I need to be proud of what I do have. I have an amazing marriage, I have the most amazing little girl I could have ever dreamed of having, I have a roof over my head that can't be taken away, I have a job that I can take my daughter too, my husband has a great job, and I have a wonderful family. So to be honest, I have a perfect life. Yes it has it's ups and downs, but it's perfect for me. God has blessed me with so much, I just needed to take a step back and count my blessing....

Should have been a Monday post....

Happy Tuesday everyone!!! Well this should have been a Monday post; however last week was one of those weeks that I don't want to relive anytime soon :)

I posted several posts last Monday and all was great. Then later in the afternoon I started to feel a little yucky. Not bad, but just not great. By the time my hubby got home (8pm) I had a fever of 101+. Mind you I went from awesome to crappy in about 4 hours :( . My fever broke Tuesday morning at around 4:45 or so. Needless to say I was exhausted and called in to work. [Thank goodness I have an awesome boss, who is also one of our amazing friends, and he just laughed at me, and said perfect timing beings our whole office was out of town.] I finally got up around 9 or so, and I felt GREAT. So totally weird in my mind. Then later that afternoon, I started to feel like crap again. Hubby got home, my throat had started to hurt, and then the dreaded look in the mirror....SPOTS!!!! BIG WHITE SPOTS ON MY TONSILS!!!!! Needless to say, after almost 4 hours in the after hours clinic, a swab test, I had strep. So that was my Monday and Tuesday.

Wednesday was recovery.

Thursday, I went into work for 5 hours, just to catch things up.

Friday, my cousins wedding. Although it was 105 outside, and it was an outside wedding at 7:30 so it was only 101 by then, it was beautiful. I was lucky enough to get to shoot some photos, and I can't wait to put them up for all to see. Nicole was GORGEOUS, and my cousin, was so very handsome. I love them both, and only wish them the happiness that I have with Victor, with many many many more years to come.

Saturday, hrmm we went over to my sisters for BBQ. And then came home and went to the local park for my tiny city's fireworks. For being a town of only about 15k they sure know how to party. It was so much fun.

Sunday, church and time with my mom.

That leads us back to Monday...which this post should have been...but anyways. Yesterday was weigh in day, and I'm proud to report that I lost 3.8lbs. I'm sure some of it had to do with me being sick, but a loss is a loss, and I don't plan on gaining any of it back. Tomorrow is my 1month anniversary, and I have lost 11.2lbs. I'm very proud of myself. The baby is loving it too, we are going for walks at least 5 times a week. She's always so peaceful and content in the stroller. I love the fact that she enjoys it so much. I take a sippy cup with ice water in it, and we are out the door. We walk anywhere from 45 mins to 2 hours. Just depends on the loop I want to do.

Hrmm what else....oh yeah....you know how you love to do something...and then it gets put on the back burner for whatever reason. And though you long to do it again, there just doesn't seem to be any time left to do it?? That's how I've been feeling lately with my sewing. I LOVE to sew. I find it therapeutic, relaxing, it's a way for me to let my artistic side come through. Well lately I haven't been able to sew. It's one thing or another, but it just hasn't been happening. Well I've decided that it is truly something that I LOVE to do. Just like exercising, and eating better, these were things that I had to make time for. I've decided that that's what I need to do for my sewing. There are so many things that I want to make. And I need to make time for the things that I truly love to do. My sister has asked me to make a dress for her, and that will be my beginning again. There are things in my sewing life that I want to get better at. And the only way to do this is through practice. So right now I'm in the process of picking a dress for my lil' sis. She's in love with the maxi dresses only she wants a shorter version. So I'm combing through the patterns to see what I can find....

Well for now that is all....I'll add photos tonight to this post, just so you can see my little one. She's getting so big...OH and she's now crawling!!!! She's slow at it, but she's got her knees under her and is going in the forward motion!!!!

Week 1 Complete...

Well week one is complete. And I'm very happy with the results. I didn't get to exercise as much as I wanted, but there will be more time for it this week, I hope. This week is CRAZY BUSY. Today is Vic's 40th birthday, Wednesday my sister turns 24, and on Friday I turn 31. Like I said it is crazy this week. But I am determined to keep with the program.

My first weigh in was today at Noon. And I'm proud to report that I have lost 3.4lbs. or in a more visual aspect of it all, that 16 sticks of butter. GROSS!!!! I know this is short and I will post more later, but for now, I have cheesecake bites in the oven for the hubby. (They are reduced fat and everything... Now lets hope they taste good :) )

Yes I'm a Slacker :|

Well hello everyone!!! I know long time know update. My apologies. We have all been good. Babybear turned 6 months old on the 12th of this month. I totally can't believe that she is that old. I wonder where the time has gone.

The Bear is doing wonderfully. She now rolls over and over and over...she sits up by herself. She talks like there is no tomorrow (must get that from Nana), she love to play in the water. She now LOVES to be on her tummy, she will spend hours in her Exersaucer and Baby Einstein Jumper, she eats solids twice a day and loves them, she loves all of her vegetables (thank you Lord), she enjoys standing up on her legs and bouncing, overall, she's just AMAZING!!! God has blessed me with an amazing child to call mine....

In other news, my nephew turned 1 on April 23rd, Victor and I celebrated 4 years of marriage on the same day. I can't believe it's been that long, seems just like a couple of months. I'm very fortunate to have a supportive, kind, caring and loving husband/father for my child. I've been working at the sign shop 2 days a week. I take Bear with me, then at lunch time I zoom over to my sister's and drop her off. She likes being with her cousins. And it gives me some time to get other work done that can't be done at the computer. I'm learning the sign program and it is really cool. I've done a couple of quotes, weeded vinyl, designed a door sign, and some other odds & ends. Once again thank God I have a wonderful friend.

Well anyways, here's a couple of pictures to pass the time through

Tori outside in her exersaucer, the 2nd one is what happens when Daddy gets home from work...she's all smiles.

Over at Nana's house....this is a swing that is a hammock. It's AWESOME. And the baby loves it as you can see.

On our way to the mall...I bought her a new umbrella stroller. She really enjoys it...and like the bright colors to boot. :)

And last but not least, this is the Birthday Cake I made for my nephew Brandon... It's all home made, from the cake batter to the butter cream icing, and hand piped by yours truly :)

Just One of Those Days

hrmmm…well it’s 1:27 on Tuesday and I’m just sitting here on the couch.  The motivation is out the window.  I just can’t seem to get it together.  There is a list of things that I need to get done, but no desire to do a damn thing.  Not like me at all.  I usually like to accomplish a little something everyday.  Makes me feel like I’ve contributed to the house.  (Beings I don’t work, I feel I need to make sure that things around here are taken care of.)  The hubby won’t complain.  There was breakfast for him this morning, he had a lunch to take to work, and when he arrives home, there will either be dinner waiting for him or almost off the stove.  But still I feel I need to do something else.  Monday is cleaning day and I got that accomplished, but today, the items on my list just aren’t even getting started.  I don’t know what my deal is.

It seems now, that since I’ve been a SAHM, I tend to get down a little easier.  I used to be so lively and full of energy, and I feel that slowly slipping away.  I don’t know where that girl is anymore.  She seemed to hop on the train out of my life.  I’m not depressed, I just feel so out of my element.  The things that make me smile are the wonderful smiles that Tori gives me.  Her little bubbles that she blows.  The funny sounds she makes when I tickle her kneecaps.  But as bad as this is going to sound, it’s not enough. :(  [see i told you that was going to sound bad.] 

There are some days that I just don’t want to get out of my pj’s and you know what, I don’t.  Even though I am on the go quiet often, I don’t really go anywhere by myself.  I knew my life would change once I had a child.  And by no means would I ever give this up.  But I need to find me again.  I need sometime for me to sit outside and drink a cup of coffee and let the world pass me by.  To not feel guilty for not having the baby with me.  I need this time to make me a better mom.  And right now, that’s not happening.  Just like I feel hubby needs time with just his daughter alone to make him a better dad.  No, this is not a dig at my husband, because he is an AMAZING daddy.  I just need some me time.  To find me again.  Not the old me, but the me that is now a mommy…..

Wednesday....

Wednesday.....I used to be able to say Happy Humpday when I worked, and now, it just doesn't apply. The baby and I have been doing good. I'm just amazed at how big she is getting everyday.

Tomorrow we go and pick up our portraits that we took at Penny's. I'm excited to see how they turned out. She's been doing so good lately. She's starting to sleep longer during the night/morning. She's normally waking up between 9-10 everyday. Well except for today and she woke up at 10:22am. I didn't want to wake her up, a baby needs their sleep. We were out and about yesterday so she really didn't nap much. I just figured her little body needed the zzz's.

I sit here and think...she turned 3 months on the 12th, and it amazes me. In less than a month we'll go for her 4 month shots, and that's when the Dr. will give us the a-OK to go ahead and feed her some cereal. What??? She can't be getting that old yet??!?!?! and then in 2 months after that, it's baby food. (Mom's version of course) I'm just floored. Everyone says that they grow up so fast...but never did I imagine the time would fly by like this.

And with that noted, I'm so glad that I have the amazing husband that I do. Who is allowing me to stay home with our child. To be here for her first coo's, her first time she rolled over, the first time she will sit up on her own, to scoot across the floor, to take a step and then plop down on her bottom. I married a wonderful man. My best friend. My rock to lean on. I love him more and more every day. He is understanding, he doesn't judge me on my bad days, he gives me hugs when I need them and yet I don't ask. But most of all.....He loves me for ME. His two girls are his world, and he shows us everyday, in his little way.....

So here's to my amazing husband...I love you Victor. I love the man that you were, the man that you are, and the man that you will be. I could not have been blessed with a more amazing man to call friend, husband, or father of my child.....You are my everything.....

In a Funk...

I guess the title pretty much says it all. Just kind of in a funk. Don't know why?!?! But I do know that I don't like it. I think I just need to get out more with the baby. I mean we go a lot already on the weekends and things, but not that much during the week. I sit here a lot during the week and take care of Babybear. We play on the floor, read books, sit outside on the swing and watch the birds eat from the feeder, but it's just not enough. I need to be around people.



I'm a very people oriented person. I like to be around adults and talk. I just feel kind of gloomy. Like those days that you don't want to get out of bed, don't want to get out of your pj's much less take a shower. Don't really feel like eating or anything. Just feel like being left alone. hrmm....I need to get some happy juice.....Being a stay at home mom, is definitely not easy, it's not hard, but it's time consuming. I feel like I'm more of a nanny, maid, chef, chauffeur, gopher, fix-it-man, ect....



Okay I'm done complaining...because when all is said and done, I'm very fortunate to be able to stay home with Babybear...



And just for laughs, here's a picture of the cutie...we were at the park with my niece. She wasn't to happy with the wind. This was the first time that Tori was able to sit in her stroller with out the car seat...see I have so much to be thankful for, but still the funk ensues....grrrrr

My Interview

I follow a blog that is absolutely amazing. It's called "Want What You Have", it's is just an amazing read. A week or so ago, she posted and interview, and if we wanted to we could comment to her and she would interview her readers. This week it's me... and here are my questions from her. (They were good ones too, made me think)



#1 You're a brand-new mom to a baby girl, Tori. I know that after I had my first daughter, I was so surprised - both pleasantly and unpleasantly- at all of the changes in my life. What is one thing that you wish someone had told you before you had children?

Wow. This is a tough one. I expected the sleepless nights, the fussy baby who would be inconsolable, the lack of intimacy between Vic and I. However, I never thought I would worry so much, and be so scared for her future. When it was just Vic and I, I could take things in stride. But now, every decision that I make, will impact her in some way or anther, either good or bad. I've always read labels, but now I read them even more thoroughly to make sure things aren't toxic. I worry about the things that are on TV, and even though she's only 11.5 weeks, I don't want her seeing/hearing bad things. I worry about the environment that I present to her. Whether we are out to eat, or with friends, or around strangers. I'm not saying that I'm overprotective, because I feel a germ is a good germ. I just view things totally different. Almost from a future perspective.



#2 If you could be granted one wish for your daughter's future, what would it be?

hrmm....to make sure she finds a Christian man to marry and raise a family with. It truly has made a world of difference in my life.



#3 Your blog header says that you used to be a "corporate woman." Can you share a little background with us about your life before motherhood?

Bean counter aka Accountant, that's what I was. I worked for an engineering firm. And although a very amazing and wonderful company to work for, not very accommodating to motherhood. 95% of the company were men, and the rest were woman. It truly was a man's world. I miss the people I work with, but I DO NOT miss the stress, or the hour+ drive to and from work.

#4 If you had one full day to yourself, with no responsibilities or obligations, what would you do?

Sleep in until about 8 or 8:30. Get up take a nice HOT shower. Head over to the coffee shop and relax outside for an hour or so and enjoy my Caramel latte. Then go to the book store and browse the titles. Go to the deli and have lunch with my mom. Go the fabric store and look at what cute fabric is out there to make Tori some summer rompers. Go home and get my crochet bag and head back to the other coffee shop, sit outside with an iced tea and watch the cars drive by as I crochet. Around dinner time, head home and go out to a nice dinner with the husband, then go for a nice walk on the riverwalk. Come home afterwards and cuddle on the couch for an hour or so, then head to bed. Get a good night's rest so I can then accomplish everything that I didn't do the day before because I was out enjoying myself.

#5 If you could interview a famous person, who would it be, and why?What would you ask?

Tricky question for me. Because although this person is famous for all the wrong reasons the case still makes me wonder day in and day out. I truly am a child of the sciences. But only the biology, microbiology, pathology, anatomy, and chemistry side of science. None of this evolution stuff. The human body truly fascinates me. I can spend hours reading about new discoveries that scientist unveil to try and explain things. Therefore, my person would be...Andrea Yates (this is the mother who drowned her children in the bath tub and said God made her do it). Now some may say this is a morbid thought process for wanting to interview her, but no not really. I believe in God and I believe in science. The two do not mix, therefore I do not believe in evolution and things of this nature. But to pick her brain and see what she was thinking when she did this. Mind you I would want to give her some thiopental sodium, which is "truth serum". I don't believe that "God told her to do this" as she claims. After having my own child, I CANNOT imagine what would drive a human to do this to another person, yet alone her own children. I have a list of questions to ask her....probably not the answer you were expecting, but to this day, the case still bothers me.

The Giving of Others

You know it's nice to know that there are people still out there that are willing to open their hearts and share with others. To "pay it forward" so to speak. Today I had lunch with some of the other moms in my SAHM playgroup and it was so nice to be out and about and to be with other moms. But afterwards I went over to one of their houses and was able to get some clothes for Tori. Unfortunately they are moving back to their home state and will not be a part of our group much longer. But before she gave the clothes away she asked if anyone from the group wanted anything. I was so grateful to have the opportunity. Now that we are on only 1 income, there isn't as much to go around. Yes we can sustain our life, and there will be some extra. But not a lot.

I am not to proud to accept hand-me-downs. Nor am I to proud for my daughter to wear them. They were given to us with an open heart and kind heart. And they are beautiful.

I just wanted to say thank you Kate. Your generosity is so greatly appreciated. I wish I would have gotten to know you sooner. Thank you so much for the clothes, and for the wonderful conversation today.

Be Thankful for What I Have....

The title pretty much says it all. When the days seem long and the nights do not have enough sleep, I must remember to be thankful for what I have. Because, at any moment it could be taken away. Now I'm not trying to sound depressing, or getting anyone upset, but it's true. And I'm reminded by this by a mother that I have been following since I found out that I was pregnant. I joined the community on Baby Center, and there was a mom that was pregnant with mono-amniotic twins. It's actually rather rare, and usually the prognosis isn't that great. But for them, it has been bitter sweet.

I would read their posts and cry while I was still pregnant with Tori, and pray that nothing would be wrong with her. That she would have all of her toes and fingers. That she would be healthy and able to come home with me from the hospital. Simple things that a lot of people take for granite.

These past couple of days Tori has been relentless. I'm now going to officially say it's a growth spurt. She's cluster feeding like there's no tomorrow, and although I love every minute of it. I need my time too. She does it during the day when daddy's not here, so he doesn't really understand the concept of it, or how difficult and draining it can be on me. But that's not my point either....remember it's be thankful for what I have.....

I am thankful that I have a daughter who is thriving. Who is able to be at home with me. Who is able to cry at night and wake me up. Who I am able to feed and know that she is growing. I am thankful that she has not had to have surgeries to make her better, or take enormous amounts of medicine for her to be able to sustain life. I am thankful for the fact that I have fed her every hour on the hour since 9:00 this morning, and she has finally fallen asleep for a nap at 4:00 this afternoon. I am thankful that she didn't sleep for 7.5 hours last night, and needed to eat at 4:15 this morning. That she decided to blow her diaper out so I had a huge mess to clean up, and she did this all while nursing, and pitched a fit when I wanted to stop to change the diaper. I am thankful for Tori....for every little tiny bit of her.....

Ani and Jeremy are the parents of the mono-amniotic twins Aderah Psalm and Veiyah Jaielle. And although they were blessed with 2, they are only her to care for 1. Aderah Psalm, was sent from the womb to be with her Maker and to watch over her miracle sister Veiyah. You could say they are mirror images. (Veiyah's organs are flip-flopped so everything is on the opposite side of where they normally would be; therefore, when her sister stares down from heaven, they are mirror images.) But this little girl is God's miracle here on earth. She is such a fighter. She has been through several major surgeries and is scheduled for another open heart surgery in the next week or so. You can read about the family here http://kargfamilyupdates.blogspot.com/ ...but remember I am here to be thankful for what I have...

I've followed this family from the beginning. I've cried many a tears for their pain. I've prayed many prayers for their strength and for their little Miracle. and when all is said and done, when I sit on this couch, and type this, and stare at my baby sleeping soundly with her little quirky smile...I am so very thankful for what I have. My days are so easy in comparison of what some have to go through....

If you have a moment take a look at Ani & Jer's blog...it will make you realize how lucky you are. And you can see what a Miracle looks like...

Being a Mommy....

What a day....it was a wonderful day, and I couldn't be happier.....

Last night Tori had a serious tummy ache. I felt so bad for her. Nothing that we did made her feel better. I have her a warm bath, and she was okay for about 15 mins and then it started all up again. Did the baby massage, and that helped for about 10 mins. And once she started again, she just screamed. Not that scream that lets you know she's hungry, but that high pitched scream. The kind that makes your ears hurt, your toes curl.....the kind that makes your heart break because you know there's nothing you can do...Finally I got her to nurse and then she was out like a light. Just as quickly as it started, it was over....She fell asleep around 11 and didn't wake up until 6 this morning. Do you know what that means?????? It means I got to sleep for 7 hours straight.

When I woke up this morning to her little "warning" cry I didn't know what my day was going to hold. I was hoping that she was going to be feeling okay. Praying that she was going to be having a good day, but truly didn't know what to expect. I woke up to big beautiful brown eyes staring at me (yes we co-sleep), and a smile that would melt anyone's heart. Those eyes said it all....I know she doesn't understand much, but I know she understands how much I love her. I know she understands that she is my whole world. These are the mornings that I am going to look forward too. The mornings that this little girl and I can lay in bed together before we have to tackle the world and just cuddle. The time that we get to spend just getting to know one another.

One of my friends said it best...."Being a mommy rocks!!!" I'm sure it will be the toughest, most challenging thing I will ever do. But it will also be the most rewarding and fulfilling thing by far. Everyday is a learning experience...and let me tell you, I have a lot to learn.....